........

I've been thinking about why I gain weight a lot and I seem to be unhappy when I'm alone, which leads to emotional eating. I don't know that I want to be alone, maybe even scared to be alone. From the time I was 17-21 I always had a boyfriend and someone to please. Now that I've been single for 2 years it seems to be really hard to find what pleases me. I want to please others and I feel as though I can't be happy unless I have someone in my life who makes me happy.

I came to this realization last night when I was at the Craig Morgan concert at Cowboys. Country music really depresses me and makes me hate bein alone even more. I wanted to get so drunk and eat my feelings away last night after that. I was standing in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by couples who are slow dancing and groping each other and making out and I realize I have nobody and I'm def going home alone after that. It just made me sad and I wanted to leave.

I've been seeing this guy and I'm determined to make him want a girlfriend to prove to him I am "wifey material" because I am so into this guy and he's just a great guy. But after I was upset last night his best friend, who I'm also friends with, basically told me I'm wasting my time and energy on this guy because he doesn't want a girlfriend and that's how its going to be for a long time. So that just made matters worse.

Then I wanted to go workout today because my gym was suppose to open last Tuesday or Wednesday and they weren't opened yet so that has added to me being upset. Its that time of the month and I just feel like crawling in bed and staying there all weekend.

On the plus side, I lost 4.5 lbs last week, have been eating better, I finally start my job on Monday and I may be getting a car in 2 or 3 weeks which Im really excited about. Plus my birthday is in a few week and I really hope people show up this time. *crosses fingers*

Here's hoping next week is better than this week....

Im going Down, Down, Down, Down! LOL!

I lost 4.5 lbs this week sticking to my diet. Yay! Now when I encorporate exercise this week I should be losing more. Size 13 for my birthday is looking a lot closer than I thought before. So I should have a good weigh in next week too. I start my job, FINALLY!, Monday so that will stop me from sleeping all day and being lazy and my gym is on my way home so I'll be stopping by there on my way home and maybe soon I can even get enough motivation to go before work. But for now I think Im doing good to get there once. LOL!

Got a lil ways to go!

So I weighed this morning and I'm back at 205.5 but I'm sure I'll be back down in no time... 7 weeks to go til my Birthday!

I AM STILL ALIVE!!!

I've been gone for awhile and people have been asking about me.... Well I'm still alive and kickin'! I haven't felt very motivated to blog lately and have fallen off the wagon. I've been eating like crazy and gained a lot of weight back. But have no fear.... I HAVE A PLAN!

I am starting a new 7 week diet and exercise bootcamp as I am going to call it, because its going to be hard and painful I'm sure. I joined a gym that hasn't opened yet and I'm not sure the exact date its going to open but there is a park near my house where I can do bleacher runs and a trail to walk until the gym opens.

Its lasting 7 weeks because that's how long it is until my birthday and I need to get back on track so I can look awesome in my dress for my birthday.

My plan for 7 weeks:

NO BREAD
NO PASTA
NO CHEESE
NO SWEETS
NO SODA
NO SWEET TEA

LEAN MEATS
VEGGIES
FRUIT
LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER

EXERCISE:

GYM- 6 days a week
CARDIO 3x per week
STRENGTH TRAINING 5x per week

I'll be taking my vitamins but I know a lot of people will probably disagree with this regimine but this is what I need to do in order to eat better and stay on track after the 7 weeks is over. I will incorporate more foods after the 7 weeks but I want to be 30 pounds lighter by my birthday which is not realistic but it is possible if you workout all the time. Have you seen biggest loser? Its all about how much you have to lose vs. what you eat and how often you workout and push yourself. They lose 17 pounds in 1 week so I think if I push myself I can pull off 30 pounds in 7 weeks.

I am doing a 7 day cleanse this week to get on the right track. I will weigh in the morning and start from there.

I have been pigging out this weekend kind of as my LAST SUPPER because I know the next 7 weeks is going to be tough but I know I can do it. I am very motivated and can't wait to enjoy my birthday lookin all hot and sexy! Plus when I go see my grandma in the spring I want her to be super surprised and not notice who I am. LOL!

LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!