........

I've been thinking about why I gain weight a lot and I seem to be unhappy when I'm alone, which leads to emotional eating. I don't know that I want to be alone, maybe even scared to be alone. From the time I was 17-21 I always had a boyfriend and someone to please. Now that I've been single for 2 years it seems to be really hard to find what pleases me. I want to please others and I feel as though I can't be happy unless I have someone in my life who makes me happy.

I came to this realization last night when I was at the Craig Morgan concert at Cowboys. Country music really depresses me and makes me hate bein alone even more. I wanted to get so drunk and eat my feelings away last night after that. I was standing in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by couples who are slow dancing and groping each other and making out and I realize I have nobody and I'm def going home alone after that. It just made me sad and I wanted to leave.

I've been seeing this guy and I'm determined to make him want a girlfriend to prove to him I am "wifey material" because I am so into this guy and he's just a great guy. But after I was upset last night his best friend, who I'm also friends with, basically told me I'm wasting my time and energy on this guy because he doesn't want a girlfriend and that's how its going to be for a long time. So that just made matters worse.

Then I wanted to go workout today because my gym was suppose to open last Tuesday or Wednesday and they weren't opened yet so that has added to me being upset. Its that time of the month and I just feel like crawling in bed and staying there all weekend.

On the plus side, I lost 4.5 lbs last week, have been eating better, I finally start my job on Monday and I may be getting a car in 2 or 3 weeks which Im really excited about. Plus my birthday is in a few week and I really hope people show up this time. *crosses fingers*

Here's hoping next week is better than this week....